Tricky...
Well I have finally got the one thing ive always wanted and now I don't want it anymore ?!
Ive fallen into a pseudo relationship that requires no commitment whatsoever, we enjoy each others company, we sleep next to each other at night and our sexual energy's are matched....so essentially a fuck buddy (but without the fuck, I dont need or want to go down that road just yet tho it is heading there swiftly) for want of a better word.....
Its perfect....currently im not wanting any sort of relationship at all....too much effort, too much work and too many insecurities to deal with...and my biggest concern....falling for her...I cannot walk down this road again...well not this year at least...
I know that she wants nothing more than this, and at the same time its what so appealing after the many previous girls that were absolute relationship hounds....im not looking for anymore than this either but...im still very comfortable with where I am if that makes sense...I don't know if I would be so willing to give her up that easily :o?
So essentially im in a relationship that's not a relationship and wanting security where security is non existent...this is so infuriating...I always get to this point and bail out for fear of something greater...I always look 10 years down the road instead of that phone call 2 hours from now...
So do I bail out and stop it in its tracks before I get sucked into the whirlpool....or do I dive in head first and risk the potential for heartbreak once again.... ???
Oh and I think i've started smoking again after 4 years....double dammit !!!
Ive fallen into a pseudo relationship that requires no commitment whatsoever, we enjoy each others company, we sleep next to each other at night and our sexual energy's are matched....so essentially a fuck buddy (but without the fuck, I dont need or want to go down that road just yet tho it is heading there swiftly) for want of a better word.....
Its perfect....currently im not wanting any sort of relationship at all....too much effort, too much work and too many insecurities to deal with...and my biggest concern....falling for her...I cannot walk down this road again...well not this year at least...
I know that she wants nothing more than this, and at the same time its what so appealing after the many previous girls that were absolute relationship hounds....im not looking for anymore than this either but...im still very comfortable with where I am if that makes sense...I don't know if I would be so willing to give her up that easily :o?
So essentially im in a relationship that's not a relationship and wanting security where security is non existent...this is so infuriating...I always get to this point and bail out for fear of something greater...I always look 10 years down the road instead of that phone call 2 hours from now...
So do I bail out and stop it in its tracks before I get sucked into the whirlpool....or do I dive in head first and risk the potential for heartbreak once again.... ???
Oh and I think i've started smoking again after 4 years....double dammit !!!
posted by fly at 12:09 AM
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